k9 teeth bloggy ✏️ (•ؔʶ̷ ˡ̲̮ ؔʶ̷)

What?

I am here to write whatever. I'm going to try to stop editing. I haven't been able to functionally journal lately. It all just ends up being a ripped out page in the trash. I'm going to try to write here instead. I'm actually trying a lot of new things lately. I have a Notion page of all my goals (I can only remember them now as guillotine of bullet points awaiting me), and I'm here to tell you I won't look at it until: September 29. I'm trying to just trust I know what I want in life and that everything else will fall into place in order to support this internal compass, whose arrow I disembody and thrust through my loving heart.

Today I got caught in a loop of wanting to declutter random items in my room (it's like they have a glowing outline, waiting for me to make a decision) and organize my to-do lists across multiple places. Pls, 23 year old woman girl person, just stop, just don't start. I even feel compelled to digitize a journal that I didn't finish so I can throw it out. Reason for not finishing is that its lined pages made me more particular about my penmenship. This led my entries to be more legible, thus striking me down from being able to freely write. And I can't just throw those few days away. I don't reread journals, but I always keep them. It's kind of jarring and time consuming to go through your past thought processes, probably why I can never keep up with a blog. Maybe I should use a horrible font that is hard to read. Even though no one else is likely reading every word, I somehow end up analyzing myself, all as if there are people in the first place. The unreadable font would also just be like baby proofing for myself or like horse blinders. Deep down, I know what should and shouldn't be done regarding my daily tasks. I hope I can follow that, and I'll try my best so I can rule out it being out of my control.

I know how to live my life and I need to prove itttttt. I want all my goals to get Katamari-ed up and broken down under the truth and breath of my life. It'll work out much better that way.

Hiii. I quit social media + doomscrolling today. But I always evade my responsibilites regardless, so I ended up meandering to my Neocities bookmark ^_^

I have many hobbies and even more ambitions, but I am stuck in life right now. I'm so stressed over my 4 year relationship. I fall under the avoidant category (audience sucks air through their teeth in disapproval), and I even feel like I might have relationship OCD. I am stuck in food service. Even though I haven't even gotten a job in what I got my degree in, I already want to pivot. Oh my god so great!!! I technically (why am I saying technically, I fully did) relapsed a few days ago. I am a huge snoop, and I struggle to not want to go through people's posessions if given the opportunity and I know I won't get caught. On the flip side, I can keep any secret. I'm emotionally attached to my coworker who I hardly know, and it's more so about their physical presence bringing me this sense of comfort. I love standing next to them. I truly believe they are a gentle person. Well those are some of my worse qualities and traits :P I don't know what I'm attempting to do by putting this all out there. Just to exorcise it from myself.

I'm sorry for spreading negativity. Even though I don't know my purpose in life, I know it's not this. I'm just a little alone right now. I hope _____!